Home Success Story & Hard Truth Breast Cancer The Lady Who Refuses to Die Part 1: Breast Cancer – Refused Radio or Chemotherapy

The Lady Who Refuses to Die

Part 1: Breast Cancer – Refused Radio or Chemotherapy

Let me clarify one point first before we go further: To live or to die is God’s prerogative. That is if you believe in God. To those who don’t, death is fated. Do you have any problem with that? However, I tend to have a feeling that in spite of God deciding when you die, at times and under certain circumstances, you yourself have a part to play in deciding when you die!

Jonathan Chamberlain (in Cancer Recovery Guide) wrote: When my wife Bernadette learned that despite all the surgery, radiation and chemotherapy her tumour had returned … she was informed that she had three months to live. She was told this on 17 January. She died on 16 April … Three months exactly.

I often have a hard time telling patients to believe in their doctors’ diagnosis, but not their prognosis! Those who strongly believe in their doctors will act out that prognosis. And they die like Bernadette. Another sure way to die is of course to sleep on the railway track and then pray that everything will be well after that.

It is in this context that I am sharing with you this amazing story of Guat – The Lady Who Refuses To Die! Many say she should have been dead long ago. But no, she is still very much alive. Hear her talk and listen to her voice – strong and sturdy! It is not from a dying person.

Her Problem

Guat had a lump in her breast cancer in 1994. This lump appeared after an appendix operation in 1987 and a hysterectomy in 1990 (followed by hormone pills after the surgery). Guat refused conventional medical treatment. She tried all kinds of herbs that were recommended to her. They were not effective. Two more lumps appeared in her breast.

After about 3 years of venturing on her own, Guat came to seek our help in   September 1997. Guat was indeed:

1.      A lady with a mind of her own and she knew what she wanted. This is a tough nut to crack, not a meek lamb easily led by the nose to be slaughtered.

2.      She is not highly educated or learned. She did not even have a high school education. In spite of this lack of formal education, Guat has a lot of common sense and is very sharp and observant.

When she first came, we suggested that she have the lumps removed. Her answer then was: If I wanted to get the doctor to operate on me, I would have done that long time ago. I would not have come to see you. I don’t believe in medical treatment. We prescribed herbs for Guat. After one and half years on herbs, the lumps in Guat’s breast were still there. We persuaded Guat to go for a surgery. At last in December 1999, she underwent a mastectomy.

Let Guat tell her own story by quoting excerpts of our conversation recorded on various occasions over the years. 

Why not go for medical treatments?

I’ve seen many people with cancer before me. They opted for operations even though the lumps were small. When the cancer recurred they had to undergo an operation again. By the end when everything was done, they felt like they were going to die.

Tell us about your surgery.

After surgery, the surgeon scolded me for letting the lump grow so big. The doctor asked me why I didn’t die. Other people would have been dead for allowing the lump to grow for so long. He said: Sure to die. He thought I’d die, even after surgery.

After surgery, did you go for chemotherapy or radiotherapy?

Chemotherapy was not indicated. However, my surgeon recommended radiotherapy but I declined.

Why not radiotherapy?

I’ve seen and know of many people who died from breast cancer even after radiotherapy. If you go for radiotherapy, you suffer. Better not to go for radiotherapy. If you’re going to die you might as well die without having to suffer. Either way, you still die. The doctor told me: You would not last long since I did not want to go for radiotherapy. I asked the doctor: How long would I last if I were to go for radiotherapy? He answered that he wasn’t sure. He could not give any guarantee. I said: If you are not sure, then I’d better not go for radiotherapy. If I could only last a year after undergoing radiotherapy, I’d rather not go for radiotherapy.

Why were you so firm in not wanting to go for radiotherapy or chemotherapy?

From my observations – I have seen people who had undergone chemotherapy or radiotherapy; they could not even live beyond two years after their treatments. You know, I have seen many such cases. Besides, chemotherapy causes so much misery. Why do I need to go through it? I don’t need it. Take my case as an example; after mastectomy let us assume that I could only live for two years without chemotherapy. If I were to go for chemotherapy I would probably live a bit longer – two and a half years. What difference would that make? I would prefer to die after two years than prolong my life by another six months during which I would have to suffer. I would not exchange six months of extra life for agony and suffering. I do not want to hang on to life this way.

For the extra half year, you had to suffer for two years while undergoing the medical treatment. Do you know how difficult it is? I prefer to forfeit a half year of my life than to go through all that suffering. If given a choice, this is what I would choose. To live an extra half year and go through all that suffering, I prefer to die earlier. Based on that, I made my decision not to undergo medical treatment.

Decision Making

When you decided you do not want surgery, chemotherapy or radiotherapy, was there anyone who helped you make that decision?

(Patting self) I made the decision myself. Many people gave their opinion, but I said: I do not want to listen. Let me think for myself. I made my own decision.

Was your decision based on what the others say?

I listen to a lot of people. But in the end I made my decision based on my own observation. You see, when the lump was still small, I decided to take a chance. I hoped that the lump would not grow bigger or perhaps it may disappear. But as time went on, it grew bigger and bigger. I know that my hope would not materialize. When it grew too big, I decided to have the lump removed. So, I went for a mastectomy. Then I was asked to go for radiotherapy, in case it recurred. I said: When there is recurrence, then I will make the decision. If I go for radiation then, it may also recur. I used my common sense to decide.

So you used your common sense to make your decisions?

Yes. I went alone to see the doctor. Nobody accompanied me.

Do you use your gut feeling or intellect when you make your decision?

Of course I would ask myself whether I want to do something or not. The question would play in my mind. But when it came to that of radiation, I gave a definite answer straight away. I did not go back and think about it.

So you made your decision immediately?

Yes. I decided while talking to the doctor. I have seen people who went for radiation, also died eventually. I told the doctor that if my time has come, I cannot run away. If my time is up, even if I go overseas for treatment, I was sure to go. But if my time is not up, even if I do nothing, I will not die. I said those things because I had no way out. The doctor was insisting I go for radiation.

Do you think what you did was correct?

I would say yes. If I went for radiotherapy and chemotherapy, I wouldn’t know how things would have turned out. Now that I did not go for chemotherapy or radiotherapy, I am still fine. When or whether I will suffer a recurrence, I will not know. There’s no guarantee, right? I am still fine and have no difficulty. Compared to the two other people whom I saw and knew, I am better off. Those two people went for conventional medical treatments and they died.

Doctor Said She Was 100% Cured But Her Cancer Recurred

Do you have anything else to share with us?

When I was warded in Hospital P, there was this lady in the next bed to me. About a year ago, she had a small cancerous lump removed at Hospital G. The doctors told her it was a malignant tumour, therefore she needed chemotherapy and radiotherapy. When all those were done, the doctors pronounced that she was 100% cured. One day, she fell down. So she went to Hospital P and the doctor found that a section of her bone in the leg had turned black. So the doctors cut off that part of the bone and replaced it with a metal plate. She was sleeping in the same room, in the bed next to mine. I knew her cancer had spread to her bones. How could this happen when the doctor had already told her that she was 100% cured? Six or seven months later, I learnt from the papers that she had died.

Really? Are you sure of your story?

Yes. She was a young lady, in her forties, a sturdy woman, and she had a good appetite. She told me her bone was blackened. I knew it was cancer. I have heard similar stories from two people about this business of a 100 % cure.

There was one more lady. This was the young lady who came to see you at CA Care the same night I first came to see you. That night, there were three of us here who had breast cancer. Now, two of them are already dead and I am still alive.

I’m sure you can remember the lady I am referring to. She is your distant relative. We used to discuss our cancer treatment progress over the phone. After she had the operation, she used to call me often. She took herbs for a while then gave up. She went for radiotherapy and chemotherapy. Her hair dropped off. After all those treatments, her doctor told her that the cancer had disappeared one hundred percent. He was 100% sure that there was no more cancer. She told me this personally. She didn’t last long after the chemotherapy. She was in severe pain and died soon after. During her last days, I visited her often. I sat on her hospital bed and we talked. The cancer had spread to her liver and bones. There were blue-black patches all over her body. Her red blood cell count was very low. She had no more red blood cells. She was warded in Hospital P, I went to visit her regularly. At the hospital, I had to help prop her up to eat. Later she went to Hospital L. I also visited her there. When she came home, she was in great difficulties. I also visited her at home. Soon after that she died. That was not even one year after she was told by the doctor that she was 100% cured.

Living With Cancer

You have been living with cancer for the past twelve years. Each morning when you wake up, do you feel threatened or afraid because you know that cancer is inside you?

I never had such fear at all. Even cancer-free people die. If cancer wants to return, let it come. I don’t have to die of cancer. So, I am really not bothered about cancer in my living from day to day.

You weren’t afraid of dying?

No. Fear doesn’t bring any good to anybody. I am not dead yet. I only have cancer. But if you get so frightened, you might just be scared to death. I knew of someone, fit and healthy, but she complained of a bit of pain. She went to the hospital. The doctors told her she had cancer. She went home. Within three weeks, she became very thin; within three months, she was dead. Had she not gone for a check-up, she could have lived for a few more years. Cancer had not done her in; but here, the doctor scared her to death. She herself was so afraid of dying.

Like me, I know I will die anyway, but I’m not sure when. If I don’t die today, then I’m happy for another day. I don’t care about it and I don’t worry about it. I don’t wait for my death. When my time is up, it’s time to go. But in the meantime I continue to take some herbs. Remember, whatever you do, you will still die. So when I got cancer, I wasn’t afraid. I knew that the lump in my breast was cancerous. But I was not dead yet. You must not be afraid. If you were afraid, you’d die; if you weren’t afraid, you can still die but not so soon. We might as well not be afraid. It’s like chemotherapy. If you had chemotherapy, you’d still die. If you didn’t have chemotherapy, you would also die. We might as well not go for chemotherapy then.

Humour

A: I do not worry all the time. I would talk about it and laugh as though I was joking.

C: Do you joke about your cancer?

A: Yes. I always say: Do you know that I will die soon? And I get this response: You always say you are dying. Don’t know why she hasn’t gone yet. (Laughing).

C: So you always joke about this?

A: Yes.

C: So by joking, do you feel better?

A: By talking about it, I feel better. If I were to keep it to myself, it would be worse. Like when it was time to eat, I would say: Come, eat quickly. I would be going soon. That was when there were some more new growths. I did not tell my friends about this. If you want to eat, then come quickly. I am going already. Friend: Why are you going? I said: It’s about time. My time is up. And I am going. Only when they probed further did I explain the situation to them.

C: So you are not afraid that others know about your cancer? Some people prefer to keep it to themselves.

A: No, I am not afraid to share what is happening to me.

Advice to Others

What advice would you give to those who come to you?

I would tell them not be afraid if they got cancer. You must think and decide for yourself which healing path you wish to take. You must take care of yourself. You have to decide whether you want to take (herbal) medicine or go for chemo. I will not insist that a person should not go for chemotherapy. If you convince the patient not go for chemo and it does not turn out the way they expect, then I would be blamed for that. So the patient must decide for him/herself the path they wish to take. If you decide to go for chemotherapy, you must know the percentage of success and the risks of dying. What are the chances that you die? If you feel that it is worth taking the chance, then go ahead. Otherwise, do not accept what is offered. If you decide to take (herbal) medicine, make sure that you are benefiting. You must be getting better. Do not continue taking the (herbal) medicine while you are getting worse and worse. Do not be afraid. Do not worry. These two are very important. Being afraid and worrying are the worst.

Do not worry. Do not be afraid. You must do something about the cancer. You must take medicine, but must not be negligent?

The medicine must be beneficial to you. You must find out about radiation and chemotherapy. Then you decide for yourself. We cannot help you in this matter. If something untoward happens, we could be blame for giving good-intent advice.

Sometimes patient come and ask me if they should go for radiation. I would tell them that I cannot make the decision for him/her. I can only tell you the effects of radiation.

A person should find out the success rate of radiation. They have ears and eyes and can learn from the experience of those who had undergone those treatments.

The patient must make their own decision. Whether the patient should go for radiation or not, we cannot make the decision.

Yes, we cannot tell them what to do. Should they decide to take (herbal) medicine, they must know if the medicine is helping them. After a month or so they must decide whether they want to continue or change the medicine they are taking.

This is why we tell patients to try our herbs for about two weeks. If they do not benefit from the herbs, then go elsewhere and find their healing.

I have some friends who got cancer. I brought them here. They have all passed away. One of them was your relative. She went for chemo and died. The others also decided to go for chemo and they too died.

There are those who asked me to recommend them a good surgeon. They wanted to go to the surgeon who operated on me. I told them, it was not the surgeon. The result would be quite the same if another surgeon operated me. I showed them my thigh. This is what can happen. Of course I do not blame anyone as I consented to the operation. So, if this happened to you, you cannot blame me. There is no guarantee. I live by this principle. Someone helped me, so I help another. Like Dr.Teo had helped me. If someone asked for help, I would gladly help too. I would go the hospital with him/her. At the hospital, if the doctor indicated chemotherapy, I would ask the doctor: Do you guarantee a cure? Cannot guarantee? Then how can you say she/he would live? How much does it cost? RM30,000. For a poor person, RM30,000 is a lot of money. Where to find that kind of money? If it is only RM3 or RM300 that would not be any problem. The doctor then said: Don’t you want to save your mother? For us, even our own dog, we would try to save. There is no question about wanting to save our mother. But where do we look for that amount of money? Moreover the doctor said there is no guarantee. The doctor would just scold us and ask: Why? Don’t you want to save your own mother? Of course we talked in a civil manner. I was not angry, but I truly feel that doctors should not behave this way.